As an introvert I spend a lot of time reflecting inward. Diving deep into the shadows that still haunt me. Much of my life I stayed hidden, in a cocoon dreaming of someday flying through the realms exploring the depth, beauty and truth in the world. I yearned to experience life fully, to have deeply intimate relationships, to awaken my gifts and know my purpose. I longed to be free. Yet I was scared.
Terrified to be exact.
Fear, worry, doubt, and unworthiness controlled my life. Every single aspect. I made excuses for it. I bought the beliefs, illusions and conditions from society, family, religion and the negative self-talk that constantly played loops over and over in my mind.
Phrases like “I can’t”, “No one will understand”, “I won’t fit in” emanated from my energetic field. As these words reflected back to me my wounds they proved to me it wasn’t safe….that I wasn’t safe. I believed the only way for me to be safe was to continue down the same road I was on.
Don’t get me wrong, I wanted change. I craved change. Yet I was only willing to allow myself a small amount at a time. I would dip my toe in to see how much it would upset my world. Knowing I could pull back at any moment. I refused to commit to myself – to what my SOUL desired and gently communicated with me.
To pretend I was doing all I could, I enrolled in classes, worked with healers and coaches and told myself I was focused on fixing “this or that”. But nothing changed. Not really.
At least not until I fully committed to myself.
I recognized I was showing up fearful. Full of anxiety, pushing what I desired the most away. I found myself quickly retreating into hiding to seek the comfort and safety I didn’t feel existed. I was engaging in unhealthy relationship dynamics that brought chaos, anger and a desperate need to control life in general. I wasn’t happy or filled with love and I certainly wasn’t representing freedom or fully living my truth. Which were the few things I felt were priorities in my life.
Suddenly it hit me. My life is my message to the world.
Who I was being…without me even realizing it... was what I was sharing in the world. I was out of integrity. I was inauthentic. I was giving off vibes that I didn’t want to give off. I was lying to myself. I was telling my kids and those around me one thing, yet showing them something very different. The way I showed up in each and every moment determined what I was creating. And I was not creating what I desired. Heck, much of the time I wasn't okay with who I was being and how I was showing up, but I was so caught up in my mind chaos I was unable to see clearly.
That moment triggered a clarity that stuck with me and continues as a reminder. It reveals itself during times when I’m not showing up in a way my soul desires. When the awareness hits home I'm able to re-evaluate what is important to me and who I want to be in the world.
Maybe my story reminds you a little bit about you?
Maybe you have dreams of being free from the pain and suffering you are currently feeling? Maybe you crave something more, something different in life? Maybe you hear the small gentle voice of your Soul guiding you, but you aren’t sure how to listen? Maybe you want to share a big message with the world but what is currently happening in your life is stopping you from doing so?
I'm going to share with you.
Your life is your message to the world.
How you show up every single day determines what your future will be. It is proven over and over again that the change you seek resides in the choices you make now.
We are always emitting signals to the universe…whether we are conscious of them or not they are creating our life. It’s the message we are sharing in the world.
Pause for a moment. Take a deep breath in. Imagine yourself floating to a space where you can gain a clearer perspective. Now look at your life as an observer. What do you see? Feel? Hear? Sense? Who are you being? How are you showing up? How committed are you to what you say you really want? What are you doing daily to bring it into your reality? What do you like? And what don’t you?
Once you have observed your life from an outside perspective take a few deep breaths and return to your body and the present moment. Feel your feet on the floor. Feel your legs, your hips, your stomach, chest, throat, shoulders, arms, hands and head.
What did you become aware of?
It’s easy to get caught up and distracted in the mundane day to day tasks. The responsibilities. The obligations. The mind chatter. The fear. The doubt. The worry. The chaos. The emotional upheaval. When this happens we lose sight of what is important to us. We forget what our Soul really is craving. And even though we SAY or PRETEND that we are showing up, we might not always be showing up in the way we think we are.
I encourage you to reflect on what you received as an observer of your life and ask yourself these questions.
I’d love to hear about your experience. Email me what you’ve received during the meditation and what you received during the reflection exercise.
Would you like to receive more support in coming into alignment with the truth of your Soul? Schedule a 30 minute complimentary consultation.